Verbatim:
Professor, I apologize: my paper lacks a Works Cited page because my printer shit the bed.
I should give him an A just for that. And maybe some Baby Wipes, while I’m at it.
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Policy of Truth 
Do your students submit papers to you in hard copy? Get with the 21st century, Landlord.
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They submit to turnitin.com and in hard copy. I mean, there is my printer to think about.
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You mean you aren’t just giving comments electronically? 21st century, dude. 21st century.
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Mutatis mutandis…
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