Ex Parte Khawaja

A letter addressed to Mr Gregg I. Adelman, Principal of the firm Kaplin-Stewart, Attorneys at Law, of Blue Bell, Pennsylvania.

Dear Mr Adelman:

This is not the first time I’ve informed your office that no one by the name of “Shane M. Loercher” lives at [my address]. Nor is it the first time I’ve informed your office that no one by that name has lived here since at least July 2018, when my wife and I first bought this property. I am not sure what is accomplished by repeatedly sending legal notices to a person who doesn’t live here and can’t read them, but whatever the aim, you may wish to re-think it.

Having received mail for Mr Loercher for the past two years, I finally decided to look him up. It turns out that he’s on LinkedIn.


I think a person genuinely interested in reaching Mr Loercher might have found him as easily as I did.

Having completed my latest pro bono service for your firm, may I ask you to stop sending me this crap? Believe it or not, no one really enjoys receiving unsolicited letters from attorneys at law, even when addressed to an unknown party. When one repeatedly tells the sender that the addressee doesn’t live here, but finds the sender strangely undeterred by the knowledge, one begins to suspect the sender’s motives, and resents the unsolicited role one has been conscripted into playing in whatever legalistic game is involved.

The next time I receive a letter from your office, I will be forced to reciprocate by sending you an unsolicited letter to a non-existent addressee on a topic totally unintelligible to you. As you sit there mulling over the matter of Bob Morris’s failure to pay alimony to his ex-wife Janice Morris (nee Tuchman), you may find yourself slightly irritated at the discovery that none of this has anything to do with you. Welcome to my world, Mr Adelman. And welcome to my latest attempt to tell you that the welcome has worn thin.

Best wishes,

Irfan Khawaja
Whitehouse Station, New Jersey

2 thoughts on “Ex Parte Khawaja

  1. “Shane M. Loercher,” as should be obvious after even a moment’s thought, is an anagram of the name of my evil mechanical duplicate, “Sheer Mechano RL.”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s