When I was eight years old, I wrote to the President of the United States–Jimmy Carter, at the time–asking him to change the national anthem from “The Star Spangled Banner” to “America the Beautiful” (I think it was) on the grounds that the former was unbecomingly and demoralizingly war-loving. The White House wrote back a polite but non-committal response, pointing out that the anthem was what it was through an act of Congress, and suggesting that I take the matter up with my local representative, Dean Gallo, a flag-waving war monger eager to start a war with just about anyone. I never did.
Until now. Suggestion(s) below. “Anything Goes” is Cole Porter’s madcap 1934 musical whose antics take place on a ship, the SS American, bound for London. That all seems appropriate, since, with the likely acquittal of Donald Trump on impeachment charges, the ship of state is now bound, at least metaphorically, for an Americanized version of the Stuart monarchy and the British Empire. And Cole Porter makes a nice soundtrack for the jurisprudence of Alan Dershowitz. I know Congress is awfully busy today, but with any luck, some of its members might be listening. So, three versions of “Anything Goes” below, all suitable for this solemn occasion.